“David’s Journal” seems to be turning into “David’s Dream Journal” lately.  lol.  Not much else is going on in life right now.  So, this is what it is.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  There’s always something going on.  Just nothing I feel the need to write out and share just yet.  Sometimes it’s best to keep things internal for a while.

But I had another strong dream last night.  This time, I was bitten hard (several times) on the finger by a snake.

The snake had crawled out of somewhere unexpected.  It kept lurking toward me, but I tried to avoid it and push it away.  The snake came back to me, more determined, and finally lunged its fangs into my index finger.  It bit hard, several times.

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I wonder… what’s the difference between a breakdown and breakthrough?  Is a breakdown when you simply stop moving, and a breakthrough is otherwise identical except you keep moving and find what’s on the other side?

Is a breakdown trying to hold onto the old, but a breakthrough is letting go of the old?  In either case, the old is destroyed.  Is the only difference how we view the old — and whether or not we look for something new?

Just a thought.

Your friend,
David

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Last night I had another dream.

A powerful storm, like nothing I’d ever seen, came through and destroyed my house.

Earthquakes, tornados, hail, and worse.

Somehow I survived the night.  Snow was on the ground, left from the storm, here in San Diego, in the middle of the summer.  The roof was gone.  Most of the rooms completely destroyed and in total ruin.  I found a note left from my parents, in case they didn’t survive.  I met up with my sister, who was elsewhere during the storm, and together we tried to find a place to live and way to survive.

The End.

-DRM

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Last night I had a dream.
I fell from the sky.
I was doing right, doing what I was supposed to do, doing what was expected of me to be a good guy.
And I fell.
There was no parachute.
I fell far.  I fell long.
And I hit the ground.
Somehow, miraculously, I survived,
b r o k e n.
My back twisted and bent in ways it should not.
My arms and legs much the same.
I couldn’t move.  I couldn’t help myself.
I could only lay there, face in the dirt,
waiting for an ambulance to come and pick me up.
I was in the middle of the desert.

-DRM

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Money.

What a bitch.

I’ve been racking my brain, searching for answers, testing different solutions … and nothing.  Again and again, I find myself “stuck” in the same goddamn predicament and financial lack.  God dammit.  Fuck.

I’ve run out of options.  Run out of juice.  God, why won’t you help me?!?!

I’ve asked for help … why do I keep struggling?

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My beloved parakeet is finally free.

I bought Charlie from a private breeder in Riverside, the first time I moved to California, back in late 2002.  He’s been my best friend ever since.

When I was feeling lonely living in a new state far from friends, he was my company.  I remember one day in particular, I was laying on my make-shift bed on the floor.  When I moved to California, I didn’t bring any furniture with me.  I had just gotten out of a really painful relationship too.  I needed to feel loved.  I needed to feel touched.  I needed to know someone cared and I wasn’t alone.

Charlie, suddenly, flew out of his cage and landed on my ankle, as I laid there on the floor.  He sat there, just for a moment, just long enough to help me feel that someone cared, that someone loved me.  I started to feel better.  And he flew back to his cage.

True story.

Charlie has been my teacher all these years.  He’s taught me a lot about God’s love for me, through my love for him.  One year I was visiting my parents in Florida.  Charlie came along.  There he had an encounter with my mom’s much larger parrot — who nearly bit off his entire foot!  We rushed Charlie to the vet.  Luckily, the vet was still open for another half hour that day, and a bird specialist happened to be on staff.  Charlie’s foot was saved, although he never regained full use of it.  In the picture above, you can see him with his little birdie cast while his foot was healing.

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Life just feels … kinda pointless.

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