David’s Journal

Fuck Off.

At least, that’s what I feel like telling people sometimes.

Talk is cheap. No, talk is free.

It costs nothing. NOTHING.

Look, I already know I need to “trust in God.” No one needs to tell me to “hang in there.” I know. And I also know God’s got some big plan for my life — that’s what I meant when I said, “I must’ve come here for a reason” in my last blog. I know I’ve got a purpose. I know there’s a reason for my being here. I just don’t know what it is. So just saying I have some unknown purpose and expecting that to somehow make me feel better is completely useless and totally unhelpful.

Give me a clue!

What might it be? What purpose(s) have I fulfilled so far? What unique gifts and talents do you see in me, that might be clues into my real life purpose?

Don’t just say hang in there. I know. I’m hanging in there. I haven’t given up yet, have I?

Do not, under any circumstances, tell me to trust God.

God doesn’t provide. God doesn’t take care of us.

We do. We take care of ourselves. We’re supposed to help each other.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe God wants to take care of me through you or someone else?

I’ve never seen a check fall from the sky. Heaven doesn’t issue checks.

People do.

I’ve never had a job call me out of the blue. You have to first apply to one. And getting a good referral from an existing valued employee helps tremendously.

Fuck it. What do I care?

You’re not listening anyway.

Oh, you might be reading these words. Some people might even be nodding their heads in agreement or something.

But face it: too many people need help, and we don’t feel we have enough to give.

I know every time I see a homeless person on the street corner, asking for a handout, I get all mixed emotions. Are they really homeless? Are the able to work? Why are they collecting money on the street corner instead of applying for jobs? Will the money I give them go towards food and shelter, maybe clothes and a clean shower, to go get a new job and get back on their feet? Or will the money go to alcohol, cigarettes, drugs…?

How did they get homeless? Didn’t they have any friends or family to turn to? Did they burn out all those relationships?

Is my giving them money actually rewarding them for being like this? Am I enabling them to continue being homeless, because they always know they can get a free hand-out all day long just for holding up a cardboard sign?

Can I really afford to give them anything? I’m barely getting by myself. I feel for them because I’ve almost been homeless before. I’ve had friends who were homeless at one time or another. I have no abundance to give to them from…

And before I answer any of these questions, the light changes, and I drive on.

Now and then I’ll give them something, if my intuition leads me to. The rest of the time, I don’t.

Because I drive a lot for work. So I’m out on the roads all day long. And I see these same people, day after day, week after week, month after month working some of the same intersections.

They’re not trying.

Maybe they did at one point. I dunno. But now they’re just living off the generosity of others.

Other people go to work while they stand on a corner and collect money.

They don’t pay taxes. They’re not working. They’re not providing any goods or services to the public. They offer no contribution to the community. They’re just moochers.

For weeks, months, years…

Because they can. Because we keep giving them money. Out of guilt, out of generosity, out of love…only you know why you do it, if and when you do it.

Maybe some people really are just down on their luck. Maybe they were downsized, couldn’t find work, and eventually got evicted. Maybe they are still out applying for jobs, trying to get back on their feet. Maybe they just need a little cash to get them through until they do.

Like I said, I’ve almost been there myself.

I ran out of money. Couldn’t find work, even though I was applying and interviewing everywhere. Luckily my sister lived 60 miles away. She let me sleep in her living room (she had a one-bedroom apartment). I found a new full-time job. In two weeks, I had my first paycheck and a new apartment. Done.

Anyway, I’m just ranting and raving. I’m frustrated.

I’m tired of financially struggling, despite all my efforts to get ahead of my bills and on top of things. But I’m even more tired of people saying to “just pray” or “trust in God” or “hang in there.”

Pray? I might as well do a rain dance to make it rain. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. God doesn’t answer prayers. People do.

Maybe, you can say, God was working through those people. Fine. But it still comes down to one person helping another. Period.

So right now, I’m asking, either offer me real help, or get the fuck out of the way. I’m too tired, too scared, too hurt, too weak, too lonely to put on a polite smile any longer and say, “Thank you. Yes, I will pray, and I will trust in God…” YOU THINK I’M NOT ALREADY TRYING TO DO THAT?!?

Help comes in many ways. A caring, listening ear when I need to vent. A shoulder to cry on when I’m scared. Someone to hug and hold me when I feel unlovable and unworthy of love. It could also be help finding a job, or a personal loan or free gift, or just offering a place to crash, if worse comes to worse, and I need someplace to stay until I get back on my feet…

Get it?

Talk is cheap. Dirt cheap. It’s free.

Using a quick one-liner makes you feel better because it’s like you were actually helping somehow, but you’re not. And it frustrates and annoys the hell out of me and/or anyone in a real situation of need.

So fuck off.

Be a real help, a real “Good Samaritan,” or get the fuck out of my way and leave me alone.

Your completely detached, zero-responsibility easy-fix obvious statements are no help at all.

How would you feel if the roles were switched?

You see my point.

And now, a word from Jesus:

One day an expert in religious law stood up to test Jesus by asking him this question: “Teacher, what should I do to inherit eternal life?”

Jesus replied, “What does the law of Moses say? How do you read it?”

The man answered, “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

“Right!” Jesus told him. “Do this and you will live!”

The man wanted to justify his actions, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

Jesus replied with a story: “A Jewish man was traveling on a trip from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road.

“By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by.

“A Temple assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side.

“Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him. Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he handed the innkeeper two silver coins, telling him, ‘Take care of this man. If his bill runs higher than this, I’ll pay you the next time I’m here.’

“Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?” Jesus asked.

The man replied, “The one who showed him mercy.”

Then Jesus said, “Yes, now go and do the same.”

Luke 10:25-37 (NLT)

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