My Congruency Check
This is more personal than anything else. I’m trying to uncover my congruencies and incongruencies in life. Highly successful and spiritual people say that when we’re congruent, we feel better and achieve our desires much more easily. I believe them. But either way, I think it’s an important exercise to “know thyself” and become conscience of what we think, feel, say, and do — and whether or not they all agree with each other. :)
My shorthand key is:
T = my thoughts and beliefs
F = my emotions, how I feel about something
S = the words I speak about it, aloud to myself and/or others
D = actual actions taken or avoided
If they match, if they’re congruent, I’ll simply write “MATCH.” If not, I’ll say “NO” and identify the incongruency.
=======================================================
My Financial Life
I want financial freedom, abundance.
T = NO: I believe it will be too hard to achieve (won’t be worth the effort), or that I don’t deserve it.
F = SEMI-MATCH: Sometimes I feel unworthy/undeserving of wealth.
S = MATCH
D = NO: Mostly out of fear, doubt, or feelings of unworthiness, I seem to only take actions which continue me in my current financial circumstances.
My Romantic/Sexual Life
I want a soulmate, good sex, intimacy, romance, love, connection, etc…
T = MATCH
F = NO: Still afraid of getting hurt, afraid of getting too close, being too vulnerable, and/or being “trapped” in a bad relationship; I’ve become too picky and set impossible standards. Even if a girl meets those standards, the bar instantly automatically gets raised before I can even think. I’m simply not emotionally ready right now.
S = NO: Sometimes I say that I do want this kind of relationship, sometimes I say that I don’t.
D = NO: I take almost no action toward meeting anyone or pursuing a romantic relationship.
These are the only two big areas of my life that I’ve been “struggling” to change. All other areas are flowing fine, which makes sense, because I’m much more aligned and congruent with my thoughts, feelings, words, and actions in those areas. My spiritual life feels fine. Challenging at the moment, as I seem to be going through some big growth spurt of some kind, but still overall good. Things like number of friendships, my physical health, and other areas could always be better, of course, but I’m okay with how they are for now. I’m not struggling for change and wondering why it’s not happening in those areas. lol. Finances and romantic relationships have been my only big hang ups/hold ups for some time now. I can see why…
Hmm. Financial doesn’t seem that hard to fix. If I saw easier, more fulfilling and emotionally rewarding ways of building wealth, that’d take care of one issue. Somehow I’ll have to see and believe why I’m “worthy” and “deserving” to have the financial quality of life I desire. With that, it should automatically fix the mental and emotional incongruences. Which, I believe, would fix the action part too. I never have a problem facing personal fears if I believe the challenge is worth it.
Romantically, well… maybe I’m just not as emotionally ready as I’d like to be. For the quality of relationship I want, I need to be able to give 100% to her, my mind and soul, my whole heart and body. I don’t want to enter into a relationship to see what I can “get” — to fill some personal need. For this relationship, I want us to be two healthy whole people, coming together to share and love and grow, to give to each other, already full in of ourselves… A Level 3 relationship, as Tony Robbins calls it, I believe.
So here’s my plan, for now. For my financial life, I’ll look at more fun and fulfilling ways to build wealth, and focus on believing in and loving myself enough to know and feel I deserve it. To see and believe, to really know, that I’m not just helping myself — that somehow (through my business, writings, whatever I’m using to create abundance) is really helping and benefiting a lot of others too.
Romantically speaking, I think right now it’s much easier (and better, for now) to be congruent on NOT wanting a relationship at this time. I guess I need more time to be by myself, figure out who I am and what I want out of life… time to heal, time to naturally be ready, when I’m ready, not pushing it to be ready any sooner or later than it naturally will be. Sure, I’d love that kind of connection with someone special. Sure, it’d be so awesome and wonderful to fall asleep in each other arms and wake up next to each other. To go out on hikes together, talk on the phone, cuddle up and watch a movie together… But I don’t just want physical intimacy. I want meaningful spiritual and emotional intimacy too, and I guess I’m just not ready for that with another person yet. In time, I will, but not today. Not yet. For now, I’ll just be… just do my thing, live my life, have fun. Just go on, by myself. I’ll meet her someday. I’ll be more ready for her someday. Until then, it’s just me, and that’s okay.
Namaste, love,
David
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Re: relationship… Why do always talk about finding our soulmate and then saying we personally are/are not ready for them. What about the other person who is our soulmate?
Like here in this post you state “and I guess I’m just not ready for that with another person yet”. But what about her? Who knows maybe she’s even married right now at this moment and gets a divorce in 2 months and boom…you guys meet at a local store or where-ever and just know right away you are meant to be together. If that’d be the case would *you* have changed in those 2 months, probably not, right?
Maybe that’s naive of me maybe not. I’ve never really wanted to just hook up. I guess ever since I was around 15 or 16 I wanted to have a gf aka find my soulmate. Well I’m now 22 and she ain’t next to me. That’s like 6-7 years of “searching”. Sure it would have been nice to tell our grandchildren how we were high school sweethearts but alas that’s not happening. But there’s a reason why we haven’t met yet…but it’s not because I’m not ready. Since I’m only 22 maybe she’s still a kid, maybe she lives in another country and isn’t a tech person and we actually need to be in the same area to meet, or maybe she turns out to be a he and *I* need to figure out I’m not gay, etc etc.
If some super gorgeous woman would ask me if I’d want to hook up, I’d probably run the other way screaming for help LOL. I wouldn’t be ready (nor would I even like to) hook up with some random chick. BUT I know for sure my soulmate wouldn’t even ask that so I’d know that woman wouldn’t be the one for me!
Oh this was a long reply…
I guess my point is that sometimes it might not be about us and it might be about them :) So don’t overanalyze/blame yourself, blame her LOL ;)
lol. You’re right. Sometimes one person might be ready, and the other isn’t. But I know in my case, at this moment, I’m not ready at the very least. Maybe she’s not either. Who knows. I think I’m partly ready — but I also know how scared my heart gets whenever I get close to getting close to someone.
And to be bluntly honest, I’ve got too much craziness going on in my personal life right now anyway. I need to focus on me right now; I can’t give of myself until I’ve taken care of myself…
But you still make a good point. :)
Namaste, love,
David
David, David, David - glad to see you writing this out and thinking logically about congruencies and incongruencies… Yes one person/job can be there and ready but you not be or be ready…But sometimes we are ready when we dont think we are and its a matter of trust/faith - of course in those cases the opportunity is presenting itself, if the opportunity is not there then yes it is your logic that is best following suit…
Ok not sure if that made sense but yeah - will give you a call perhaps…
What do you guys think, is the only real evidence of us being ready the fact that the oppurtunity is presenting itself (job, person, situation…)? Like Debra said “sometimes we are ready when we dont think we are and its a matter of trust/faith” - are we ready even when it’s not manifesting?
I started questioning myself today. As I said above *I’m* ready for my soulmate but maybe she’s not. So does that actually also mean that I’m only kidding myself and I too am not ready? Hmm…
And how do we know for sure if we are ready or not and what the frak is stopping us (from reaching our goals) if it’s not about being ready or not? And please don’t say consciousness hehe. Consciousness of what exactly?
Hmm. Good question, Hanna!
To be honest, I’m not sure. I know that sometimes when we’re ready, the right opportunity just opens up. But then there’s other times we’re ready and the opportunity’s still not there… Hmm.
We could talk about Law of Attraction and stuff like that, but I don’t think it’s always that simple.
Maybe it’s more about synchronistic flow, divine timing… I’m really not sure how God or the Universe always works. There’s patterns, but there’s also exceptions. :) hehe.
Maybe it’s not just about being ready. Maybe sometimes it’s about learning patience, or loving ourselves unconditionally even without a soulmate, or providing for ourselves and thinking resourcefully, regardless of the job market… I dunno. Life seems to largely be about growth. Maybe sometimes we’re ready for it, and sometimes we’re not, but when Life says it’s time to grow… it’s time to grow. lol. :)
*shrugs*
Love,
David
“patience, or loving ourselves unconditionally ”
Yes.. but there are two parts that go into this that without you cant do….
Having Trust/Faith…
and the greates of these gifts is when you can do so with the smallest amount of knowledge, question, and concern of being ‘ready’
Sometimes we simply have to say that we are ‘ready’ no matter what it is - and without trying to create the ‘what’ we are ready for.
Oh yeah… and as for how do we *know* we are ready….
It is when we are no longer able to live with being content
and/or
when we decide to stop thinking, analyzing, feeling and start acting even if we dont know what/how to act