And so it was:

A wristwatch saved Harold Crick.

~ ~ ~

I don’t really have anything to say today. I just wanted to write.

I just finished watching Stranger Than Fiction (referenced above). It was my first time. I don’t know why it took me so long to see it. I knew I wanted to see it when it was out in theaters. Guess I was too broke before. Too broke to spend $10.50 for a couple hours one night at a movie theater.

That’s sad.

But not any more. I have a better paying — and much more enjoyable — job now.

A couple nights ago, my new roommate and I watched Click. That one I actually saw in theaters. I loved it. I made sure to buy it on DVD when it came out. And I did.

Both are entertaining, well done films. Both have strong overtones about life and death.

And our choices along the way.

Like in Click, on his death bed, Adam Sandler’s character (Michael Newman) pleads, “Why’d you make me waste my entire life?”

Morty, who gave Michael the universal remote that controlled his life, answered, “You were fast-forwarding through your life long before you ever met me.”

Pause for effect.

“You lived the life you chose, big shot.”

“But not the life I wanted,” Michael said.

Morty grabbed the remote, pulled up the virtual menu, and displayed the credits. “Produced, Written, Directed by Michael Newman.”

“Looks like it is!”

So true.

I love both these movies, for many reasons, but including because they both put our life stories into the context of, well, a story. Michael Newman zips around through his life like a DVD movie with the help of his remote. Harold Crick is the living character in a novel.

As a writer, I can really appreciate both.

Life is like a movie or a book, and we are the main characters in our own story.

For some people, it’s a tragedy, or a comedy, or an on-going adventure. Maybe for you it’s a romance, drama, or on-going horror. There’s all kinds of stories; all kinds of lives.

The thing nobody ever told us was, we’re the ones writing it.

We’re the ones directing it.

Sure, we can’t control most external events, we can’t control or guarantee any outcomes. Lovers leave us, companies downsize, the good die young and the bad guys sometimes get away with it.

But we still have a choice.

We, first, have a choice in how we react, what we do in response, how we perceive things. We control our attitude. But second, we also control our choices. And while we can’t always decide the outcome, we can heavily influence it by what we do, what we say … and what we don’t.

We have the opportunity, the potential, to live the life we really want.

Reach any dream.

I could go on and on about how time after time, after time, we humans have found ways around the seemingly impossible. I could talk about facing fears, breaking past limits, following your dreams, yadda, yadda, yadda.

But who cares?

You’ve heard it all before. I’ve said it all before. Buy my book. It’s in there.

I’m not here to tell you how to live your life. That’s your job.

You live the life you choose. Maybe you’re happy, maybe you’re not. It’s your own fault, your own credit, either way.

I love this quote I heard at a seminar once. “Everyone is self made. Only successful people admit it.”

I can only be a reminder to you, through things like my blog, to be conscious about your life and your choices.

We’re all gonna die some day, some way, sooner or later. For all I know, one of you, my readers, will die unexpectedly tomorrow. For all I know, I might too.

That’s why I pause now to reflect on my own life.

Have I lived it?

Is this the life I wanted?

…

You know, it’s not the life I expected. At all.

I think, for the most part, I’ve lived it though. I mean, I’ve grown so much. I really can say I’ve grown so much. I’ve faced big personal fears too. Moved across the country, multiple times, to live where I wanted to live — not wait for “some day” later.

I’ve quit high-paying, painfully unfulfilling jobs.

Life is too short.

The money’s not worth it.

I’ve been lucky enough to date some beautiful girls.

Smart girls, intelligent girls, artistic and spiritual girls. Girls who were friends as well as girlfriends.

I’ve been lucky.

I’ve been inspired, and caused to grow, by some close friends.

I’ve experienced an intimacy with God like I never expected.

I ran a business, appeared at conventions, and helped new talent get their start and move on to bigger and better things. It’s a good feeling.

I’ve published a book.

I’ve inspired and touched lives through my words and writing.

It’s been a pretty good life so far.

Not what I expected, not what I planned. But overall, pretty good.

Lots of heartache, despair, difficulty, endless challenges, paralyzing fears, broken unhealed relationships, stuff like that too.

It’s been no cakewalk.

What the hell is a “cakewalk” anyway? Walking in, on, or through a cake does not sound fun. Sounds messy.

Anyway, I digress.

I guess the only area I haven’t really lived, the only area that I’m not happy about, is in relationships.

The past is past, I’m not dwelling there. But I’m in the present now, and I have the choice in how I live it.

I think I’d like a meaningful, fun, close special relationship with someone. A best friend, someone I laugh with and share my life with… a best buddy; we’re each other’s partner, a team, we support and encourage one another. But we’re also lovers. Intimate, honest, passionate. Close in mind, body, heart and soul.

The word “soulmate” scares me a bit. Adds so much pressure, expectation, unspoken requirements… I just want a best friend who’s also my intimate, trusted, honored, and respected lover.

Mutual attraction, mutual chemistry, mutual love, trust, respect, honesty, vulnerability, support, healing, caring, sharing, etc, etc.

Thus far, I’ve lived my life in a way that makes that wish hard to come by.

Why?

Fear, I guess. What else is there?

I’m afraid of being trapped in a relationship I don’t want to be in. (No one said fears were rational.) Or what if I only ever have sex with her, this one girl I spend the rest of my life with? Will I always be wondering, in the back of my mind, what it’s like to be with another? How do I really feel if she’s not a virgin; that I waited for her, but she’s been with other men? Is it fair? Does it even matter? What if I don’t wait, and then later meet her, and she did wait for me the whole time? Now I’ll feel guilty…

Sex scares me a bit too. What if we get pregnant? That changes everything. Will I still be able to pursue my dreams, live the life I want?

Do I even want kids? I don’t know. Honestly, I can see myself being happy either way.

What do I believe about marriage? So many couples let themselves slide, they let the relationship atrophy, once they get married. “You’re stuck with me now,” they think, so they just stop trying so hard. Do I want that? Do I want to be officially “married,” or just have a life partner?

Will she be my life partner for life … or just for a season in it?

People grow and change. Maybe one couple is ideal for each other for a while — perhaps many years or even decades — but after a while, maybe they’d naturally be better as friends, ready and needing a different kind of soul in their life to continue growing and learning and expanding … maybe the most loving thing to do for each other is to make each other free to find a new soulmate, for however long that relationship is meant to naturally last.

I know I don’t have my parents’ values on these issues. But what are mine? What do I believe? What do I want?

People are so afraid of change. But that’s what life is!

Life is birth, growth, and death.

It’s all change. It’s always changing.

We start out as kids, and as soon as we’ve got that all figured out, the hormones kick in, body parts change, and suddenly those who once had cooties are now our constant adoring focus. Then we get a handle on that, and suddenly we’re thrust into the work world, earning a living, paying the bills, starting a family of our own.

Our kids grow up. So fast.

Then there’s retirement.

And death.

The space and years in between… that’s what we are, that’s what we have.

I guess even I’m afraid of change, in some areas, like the rest of us.

How might a significant, I mean significant, relationship affect and change my life? Will my thoughts and desires on children and marriage change? Will my dreams change? How will my life change?

It’s important to figure out what you really want out of life. Start now if you haven’t already. Otherwise, we’ll just be on fast-forward, constantly in reaction to what’s going on around us, never quite having any clear or constant direction.

I don’t know what I really want.

I love writing. That’s why I’m doing it now.

I think it’d be a great experience, a ton of fun, to build up and run my own entertainment company. I also love teaching, learning, and growing in areas of spirituality and spiritual experiences. Of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention my life-long, childhood dream of being able to time travel, too. It just sounds so silly, so far out there. Not impossible. I’m not foolish enough to think that. But … is it something important enough to dedicate my life to?

I do want a soulmate-type relationship. A best friend, a deep connection, a special, meaningful, and intimate lover. Someone to share many laughs and joys with. Someone to give and receive mutual support, love, trust, encouragement, faith, hope… Someone to challenge and by challenged by, to grow with…

These are the things most important to me.

Yes, I want to be wealthy, and yes, I want to live in paradise, and yes, I want a lot of other nice things and experiences.

But if I don’t get them, it’s okay. My life wouldn’t be incomplete.

But my entertainment company, my spirituality, my soulmate… these things, without them, who am I? What will have I done with my life without them?

They say death teaches us how to live.

When death finally comes, and I look back, what will I say was most important?

I don’t care about jobs, or money, or making sure I paid all my bills on time. Screw them. Visa and Mastercard will do just fine with or without me.

What I care about is a rich, meaningful existence. I care about the people in my life, the lives I’ll get to touch and transform, the jobs I’ll create at my company, the fun we’ll have while working, the time I’ll treasure and get to spend with my beautiful wife.

Connection. Growth. Experience. Love.

Peace. Joy. Freedom.

These things I value.

So I must make sure in my own life not to fast forward through too much, not to let myself go on auto-pilot, doing the necessary day-to-day stuff in between.

And with that, I say, goodnight until we meet again. :)

Love,
your friend,
David Michaels

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