I realized something today.

I seem to be stuck in some kind of pattern.

I was digging through some old files on my computer.  I found a typed conversation I had with God, almost exactly one year ago.  I talked about relationships, soulmates, finances, jobs, all that stuff.  Back at that time, as you may recall if you’ve been reading my blogs since then, I was really struggling to get by.  Even though I was working a “good-paying” full-time job, and living a very modest life, I was still losing about $100 a month after expenses.  Yikes.

Fortunately, I talked to my boss and he gave me a raise.  Finally I was breaking even — maybe saving a tiny bit some months — but still living very modestly, very cheaply.

Well, as cheap as possible, for living in California. :)

But that state of financial crisis was nothing new for me.

Off and on, for the past few years, it’s been like that.

Ever since my mom tried disowning me.

Since around that same time, I’ve also been hurting in the relationship department too.  That’s not to say I haven’t had a couple great relationships since then.  Nor to say I haven’t done financially well since then either.

For about a year, I was doing very well financially.  I was working that office job, which paid really well.  Unfortunately, it also sucked and killed the life out of my soul every hour of every day while I was there.  The money was most definitely not worth it.

I dated one really wonderful girl.  For a while.  Then we went back to being friends.  A while later, I met another girl online.  We became friends, and a good amount of time after that, “dated” for a bit too.  I say “dated” because I lived in California and she was in Florida.  We did actually have one beautiful weekend together.  But eventually, we went back to being friends too.

That was over a year ago.

I haven’t dated anybody since.

Why?

Why can’t I seem to break free from my financial barely-getting-by?  Why aren’t I falling in love with girls more easily, more frequently?

Is it because I’m picky?  I want a job I’ll enjoy, and most enjoyable jobs seem to pay too little for this stage of my life.  Is it because I have dated a variety of girls so far, and now I just want what I want?  Are my standards too high?  Should I just “settle?”

That can’t be right.

But what’s the answer?

I can accept going through some temporary financial struggle.  That happens.  Especially when you’re off starting a business or taking a non-traditional career path.  You make sacrifices.  You pay your dues.  You work long hours for little pay to gain that valuable experience, skills, and connections.

But year after year … after year?

It’s the same story I’m telling myself.  The same story I’m talking to God about.

Always seeking, often getting close (or so I think), but never quite getting there.

In finances, in relationships.

Why?

I seem to have other areas of my life mastered.  I’m not falling into repetitive patterns of drugs or alcohol or gambling, or one-night stands or ending up in abusive relationships, for example.  I’m not stuck in any pattern of small crimes and frequent visits to prison.  I’m not stuck in cycles of losing weight only to gain it back and more.  Most people seem to have some pattern, some cycle, that they keep finding themselves in.

Why?

I have one friend, very near and dear to me, who’s found herself in a pattern of marrying abusive, neglecting men.  She’s facing her third divorce and dealing with what that means to her.  And the crazy part is — she was careful NOT to fall into that kind of relationship a third time.  When she first met and married this last guy, he really was a good guy at first.  How could she have known?

Kind of like me, in my own repeating patterns.  My last job, I was expecting (I was even told) I’d be making a lot more money than I actually ended up earning.  At thought, at last, I found a job I’d enjoy that paid pretty well.  Instead, I end up, once again, just barely getting by financially.  Through circumstances beyond anyone’s control.

I recently got a new job.  Again, I was told I’d be earning a certain amount… something much better.  Again, it’s a commission job.  I’m still on training pay, so I don’t know how it’s going to turn out.  But I’m finding the numbers my manager presented to me aren’t matching what I’m witnessing in the store, while training.  Some employees are doing that well — many are not.  Some days, I get a little worried I’ll find myself, once again, working hard at a full-time job that’s supposed to pay well — only to barely get by while financially struggling, yet again.

But we’ll see.  I’m hoping I’m wrong.  I’m hoping for the best.

But why do I keep finding myself in these patterns?

Why am I not meeting “my” kind of girls, the kind I’d be interested in dating?  Why do I seem to meet all the other kind?  Why, despite intentionally looking for high-paying jobs, do I still end up earning just enough to barely squeak by?

Why did my friend fall into another bad relationship, even though she was careful to avoid it up front?  It was only after they were married that he turned bad on her.

Or some of my other friends…  I have one long-time good friend, I’ve known for years.  She’s financially worse off than I am!  And has been, for years.  Nothing seems to change.  We just seem to get more of the same.

Why?

I have friends who always seem to have car trouble.  Or always attract the same kind of emotionally-unavailable guy.  Or keep having roommates move out on them and then have trouble finding a replacement.  Why?

We’ve all dealt with those kinds of situations here or there, but we dealt with it and moved on.  Why do certain patterns seem to keep repeating for certain people, but not others?

Let’s cut to the chase.

I think the answer must be in one or more of these possibilities:

1. Law of Attraction. I’m not entirely sure I fully believe in this teaching or not, although I do have personal life experiences that would confirm it.  Anyway, it would suggest that our consistent thoughts and emotions are actually “attracting” certain experiences into our life — even things that we can’t control or don’t know about ahead of time.
2. Subconscious Selection. We face countless, seemingly insignificant and minor decisions all day long.  The way we walk, the way we talk, how we move our body, the way we inflect the tone of our voice…  Where we go, what we do, who we talk to… and all that we don’t.  Psychologists say that our subconscious mind is constantly filtering out all that’s not important to us, and selecting everything that is.  What’s “important?”  Basically, whatever your mind is looking for, expecting, or focusing on — positive or negative.  If you’re looking for problems, you’ll find them — or create them.  Simple as that.  And it all happens below our conscious awareness.
3. Fate, Karma, or Cosmic Humor. The powers-that-be may be playing with our lives.  I like this answer least, because if it’s true, it would mean we’re completely or nearly powerless to change our circumstances.  I refuse to believe that.
4. Not Knowing Any Different. Maybe we keep repeating our patterns because, simply, we don’t know how to do anything else.  While this may be true in some cases, it still doesn’t explain how we end up in bad relationships that at first looked good, or poor jobs that we advertised as high-paying, and so on.
5. Failure to learn an important lesson. Maybe God (or the Universe) is trying to teach us an important lesson — something to learn about ourselves, about others, about life in general, or maybe some way we need to grow or change — but we don’t get it.  We either refuse to change or learn, or miss the lesson entirely, and keep repeating it until we get it right.  Maybe that means changing, maybe that just means gaining insight and understanding.  But until we learn the lesson, it will keep showing up in our lives.  Over and over again.

Beyond that, I have no answers.  Maybe it’s one, some, or all of the above.  Maybe it varies case by case.  I don’t know.  Each life is unique.

Of course, if you were to ask Tony Robbins why we hang onto our problems, he’d say it was meeting most or all of our six fundamental human needs: certainty, variety, significance, love/connection, growth, and contribution.  In one way or another.

For me, being stuck in financial hardship does provide certainty — I’m very well familiar with this territory, and know how to survive on very little money.  I know how to make a dollar last.  At the same time, it provides lots of variety, because all sorts of new and interesting financial problems come up — all requiring my creative problem solving to get through.

What about significance?  Does being broke make me feel important?

I dunno.  I don’t think so. Although, it does make me somewhat unique, since “most” people are more financially stable.  This problem isn’t unique to me — especially not in recent days — but it is a way I can feel different from others.  So yeah, sure, it meets that human need too.

Love/connection?  It gives me something to talk about and share with others in similar situations.  We connect through our stories about how and why we’re so bad off financially.  lol.

Growth?  Does this cause me to grow?  Hell yeah!  I’m constantly learning about business, finance, and investing, to “some day” get myself out of this situation.  I’m trying new businesses and new investments, which certainly require me to step out of my comfort zone and do some growing.

Contribution?  It’s hard to contribute to others when you’ve got nothing yourself.  Maybe I can give good advice on how to survive on little income, or how not to get intimidated when the credit card collectors call.  Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.  I can help you through it too, if you ever find yourself in a similar situation.

Wow.  So I guess it does meet all six of my basic human needs.  (For more on Human Needs Psychology, you’ll have to read one of Tony Robbins’ books or buy one of his audio programs.  Good stuff.)

Okay, so add “meets my psychological/emotional needs in some twisted way” as #6 on the list. :)

No wonder I keep experiencing it.

I need it.

…

That still doesn’t explain how it happens even when I’m consciously, intelligently trying to break the pattern.  (There are better ways to meet those same six needs.)  Maybe it really is law of attraction or karma.  I dunno.

Hmm.

I don’t just want to understand it.  I want to change it.  To something better.

Today.

Okay, so let’s assume it’s either caused by trying to meet my six human needs, failure to learn a lesson, or at the effect of the law of attraction.

Why not the others?  Well, if it’s fate or divine puppeteering, there’s nothing we can really do, so there’s no point in trying to change anything.  And even if we don’t know any different, we can certainly imagine other possibilities — which is what we’re doing here now.  Subconscious selection is a result of attempting to meet those emotional and psychology needs.  We look for what’s important, remember?

So, let’s break it down.

First, we’ll start with failing to learn the important lesson.  If that’s the case, the answer is pretty simple.  Step back, get a broader perspective (as much as possible), and ask ourselves what we can learn from this.

I’ll go first. ;)

For me, what can I learn from financial struggle?  I can learn about trust, about faith.  About not worrying or stressing every moment.  Learning to live more in the present, be in the now.  I can also learn from this that I am indeed resourceful.  That I can overcome and survive extremely difficult and life-threatening challenges.  I can push through obstacles.  I can make things happen — when it’s important enough to me.

I feel a little better already just knowing that. :)

Second, is this the law of attraction working against me?  Well, many teachings from multiple discplines (not all of them spiritual) say that what we focus on, we either become or experience.  I have been focusing a lot on my struggles, my financial lack.  (Can you blame me?  It’s kinda important.)  Unfortunately, according to this principle, focusing on struggle and lack only brings more struggle and lack.  For one, it’s now what’s “important” to the subconscious, which it will be selecting for minor decisions in support of that.  But from a more practical standpoint, while I’m focusing on poverty I can’t dedicate mental resources on building wealth.  If all my energy’s spent worrying about one thing, I don’t have the energy to go out there and learn or do what’s needed to be any different.

I’m not saying I should “ignore” the reality of my current financial situation.  But I think being aware of it, and checking in on it now and then, should be enough.  The rest of the time, I can focus my resources and energy on moving in the opposite direction — towards wealth and freedom.

This would then make financial abundance the new “important” thing for my subconscious to focus and select on.  It would also being activating the law of attraction toward that outcome as well.

Lastly, my six human needs.  They’re needs, not wants or desires.  We all have them, and they must all be filled or met one way or another.  The key here is to replace what’s meeting those needs — not just simply eliminate it.

Ideally, you want to find one or a few vehicles (methods, activities, experiences, etc) that will meet those same needs at least as well, if not better.  We want this replacement to be better for me, and if at all possible, better for others as well.

Being financially broke serves neither me nor anyone else.  That’s obvious.

But building wealth — hmm, now there’s an interesting challenge.

I can gain a feeling of certainty by knowing what I’m doing — which comes from research, practice, etc.  There’s plenty of variety (the second need) because there’s tons of ways to invest and build wealth.  Not to mention the daily challenges and surprises that come with starting a business, if that’s what I wanted to do.  Significance?  Being an investor and wealth-builder certainly makes me unique — more so that I was by being poor.  Lots of people I know are broke and struggling.  Only one or two are actually building wealth and business empires.  By following that path, I’d be more one-of-a-kind than the masses who passively accept being broke all the time.

How about love and connection?  I’ve already started making more business friends.  Fellow entrepreneurs.  Plus, when I’m rich, more women will want me.  lol.  hehe.  Okay, I’m only partially kidding on that one. :)  But seriously, when I’m financially free, I’ll have a LOT more time to be with my soulmate — we can spend time building the relationship we’ve always dreamed of.  In the meantime, I can build more relationships with like-minded people…fellow investors, entrepreneurs, lottery-winners, etc…and, whether it interests you or not, I’d love to share some of what I’m learning and doing through my blog too.  (I’ve already started talking a bit about stock and option investing in recent blogs.)  For those of you who know nothing about those things, don’t worry, I love sharing and will teach you everything you need to know. :)

Good.  How about growth?  Honestly, growing as an investor and/or business owner is a lot more challenging, demanding, and will require a lot more growth than being broke ever did.  I will have to become more.  I will have to face fears — probably one right after another.  I will have to learn more, test my limits, fail sometimes, and keep going.  That’s much bigger growth than I got from being poor all the time.

Lastly, contribution.  Will being rich enable me to give back and help others?  Hell yes!  I mean…Heaven yes!  lol.  I can help others in so many ways — and want to.  I want to be an angel investor some day–providing the startup funds necessary to help others reach their dreams, build their businesses, and make the world a better place.  I can be a philanthropist.  I’ll have the freedom and time to go around speaking and inspiring others to follow their dreams too.  I’ll be able to build my own entertainment company, like I’ve always wanted, and create jobs that people love and fulfills them — and pays them well too! :)

That’s definitely a feeling of contribution there.

Focusing on, and actually building, wealth will meet all six of my human needs better than I was getting by staying poor.  It’s time for a change.  I want a change.  I’m ready to change.

This will be so much better for me and others.

I will start today. :)

And that, ladies and gentlemen — you’ve just witnessed me figure it out as I went! :)  Maybe this will help someone else too.  Ooh, contribution again! :)  (Writing, as you might guess, meets those same six needs for me pretty well too.)

What’s yours?

Thanks for reading!

Your friend, now and always,
David Michaels

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