I’m going through a weird emotional funk right now, so don’t mind me.

My last blog was really long too, so here’s a quickie.

Have you ever noticed how whenever you’re taking someone’s picture, you say “smile!” or “say cheese”?

When people pose for a picture, they smile for the camera.

We want to look back at these photos and remember us being happy.

But…I wonder…how come we have to remind ourselves to smile for the camera?  How come we’re not naturally smiling most of the time?

Are some of us in denial — are we really just “okay” or not really okay at all, but we can’t handle it, don’t know how to deal with it, don’t know how to actually be genuinely naturally happy most of the time?  So we just ignore it, tell ourselves it’s all really okay, and that we’re actually happy when really we’re just faking it to ourselves and everyone around?

A genuinely happy person is magnetic.  We can’t help it.  We’re irresistibly attracted to those who are authentically, naturally happy.

Because we want what they have.

I want to be happy.  Without faking it, without forcing it.

Without constantly monitoring my thoughts, shifting my focus, and “working hard” to stay positive.

Life has ups and downs.  Even genuinely happy people aren’t always happy all the time.  They let themselves feel other emotions — anger, sadness, whatever — when appropriate.  But overall, why aren’t we naturally, effortlessly more happy?

If I don’t “stay positive” and daily make a conscious choice and effort to see the good, I naturally seem to fall into sadness.  Why?  Why isn’t it the other way around?  Why not naturally fall into happiness, and only feel sad at appropriate times or when we consciously choose to focus on the negative?  I don’t have to choose to “stay negative.”  That happens on its own, if I don’t make an effort to stay optimistic.

Why?

Sorry, this was supposed to be a short blog.

Oh well.

Thanks for reading it anyway. :)

I’m happy, usually, overall.  But it’s by choice.  And I want it to be by default.

Some days I get tired of trying, tired of consciously maintaining it.

And today I’m just tired.

It’s Saturday.  It’s still only 10am.  Maybe I’ll just lay in bed and rest.

Rest my mind, rest my heart…

Sometimes I wonder if we keep ourselves so busy just to avoid realizing how unhappy we really are with things.

Sorry.

This is a depressing blog.

lol.

I’ll stop now.

Have a good day — by choice or by default.  Just have a good one.

Or take a moment and be sad with me.  It’s up to you. :)

*hugs*

Maybe I just wish there was someone there to fall asleep next to…

Someone to share this life experience with.

A friend, a partner, a lover…

Maybe that’s one of the things I’m sad about.

I dunno.

Love,
David

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