Dear Journal,

I really gotta stop this. What was I thinking?

When I was a teenager, I always sensed there was “more” — More to God, More to Life, More to the universe, spirituality, my belief system, etc — than I was told.

My religious foundation was very rich. It was no simple or limited religion. I was taught everything I could possibly want or need to know about God, life, and religion. I knew why bad things happened. I knew what to expect after I died. I knew who and what God was, and exactly and precisely what to expect and how to predict God’s behavior…

I was foolish.

I always sensed there was More. Like I wasn’t seeing the whole picture. And someone once taught me “There’s always more to God.” That was all I needed to start searching.

Fast forward several years, and … it’s all fallen apart.

The MORE I learn about my religion, the faith I was raised in — the faith, the beliefs, the way of life and looking at the universe that was so deeply and significantly a part of my life — more and more, as mountains of evidence piles up, I am overwhelmed by just how wrong I was.

My religion was false.

Perhaps the hardest part is living in a nation surrounded by people who still deeply believe in those beliefs. How can I tell them what I know? How can I explain what I’ve learned? Most people honestly just don’t want to know the truth. They’re happy in their beliefs and would rather stay comfortable in the familiar, even if it was actually baseless.

I don’t blame them.

Not one bit.

When I started my “truth seeking” journey, my quest was to know The Truth. I remember thinking long and hard, and very carefully, about this. There was a chance I might discover my religion wasn’t true. I didn’t believe that would actually happen. I was fairly certain I was lucky enough to be born into the “right religion.” But just in case, just in case, I had to be prepared — and I made a very clear decision that I’d rather know The Truth now, than live my life in a lie. Better to learn early the truth, and change, to spend my remaining years in the truth.

And thus my quest began.

People ask why I’m not a Christian any more. “Are you sure the Devil hasn’t led you astray?” I’m sure. “Maybe your sources were anti-Christian.” Some, yes, but not all — and the facts remain the same. “But everybody believes in Christianity. We can’t all be wrong.” … “Everybody” used to believe the Earth was flat too. “Everybody” used to believe evil spirits made you sick. “Everybody” used to believe Enron was a good stock to buy. “Everybody” used to believe human flight was impossible, or traveling faster than the speed of sound, or wireless communication.

People only know what they’re taught. Most of us only know what we see.

And if “everybody” around us thinks, acts, and believes a certain way — most likely, we will too.

I want to make it clear that I didn’t leave my home faith because I was angry at God, or disagreed with some of the teachings, or was tempted by some other philosophy or religion that sounded better.

Christianity was at the core of WHO I WAS.

It directed my thoughts, my actions, my feelings, my beliefs. I made career decisions based on the values and teachings of my religion. I made romantic and dating decisions — even hard ones — because of it. My whole identity was tightly wrapped up and interwoven into it.

But bit by bit, piece by piece, historical fact after historical fact — I couldn’t ignore it any longer.

For a long time, I just tried an expanded view. Something that included my old beliefs, but from a new perspective. Maybe it all still worked, still fit somehow.

Time went on.

I continued learning.

Continued searching.

Continued experiencing, testing, seeking more, learning more, discovering more…

Now, as certain as I was that my old religion was true — now I’m equally certain, or greater, that my old religion is unfortunately, sadly, untrue.

I know a lot of my blog readers are Christian, and will feel strongly against this one.

I’m just being honest. You can keep on believing what you believe. I’m not out to convert anyone. I’m not seeking to change anyone’s mind.

If you’re curious, if you dare to seek more, the information’s out there, in abundance.

You’ll find a few Christian supporters who have evidence that the Bible is true, Jesus really existed, died for our sins, etc, etc. MOST of these people use Bible itself as their source to validate their beliefs.

Then you have mountains more of other evidence, other information that disputes, debunks, and dispels so many of those beliefs. Many will also use the Bible itself, and its many, many inconsistencies, to further their point. They also use historical data — names, dates, facts, figures. What was going on in the culture at the time. What other noted historians did or didn’t record. And an amazing, alarmingly large number of other “Christ/Messiah”-like figures with strikingly similar stories to Jesus, who for some reason we just don’t hear about any more.

I’m talking other would-be deities who were born of a virgin, had 12 disciples, died on a cross, and rose from the dead three days later.

Jesus Christ was NOT the only one to share that story.

In fact, that story has more to do with astrology than anything else.

I realize I’m not backing up any of my claims with supporting evidence or specific details. This is partially on intention.

If you really want to know, if you’re really curious — go out and learn for yourself. Your own research and education will be far more complete and enlightening than anything I could even compress into a single or series of blogs.

But for the rest of us who would rather not change — I most honestly and sincerely do not blame you. Many times, I wish I could un-learn what I’ve learned. Life was simpler, easier back then.

Now, I don’t know precisely who or what God is, nor can I predict God’s behavior. God is definitely no longer in any box of any size for me. But with that wide open possibility, there’s great uncertainty.

What DO I believe?

This isn’t an attack on Christianity. That same deep research showed me that ALL organized religions are just inventions of mankind. Futile attempts to describe, understand, and often control something much greater, different, and/or more powerful than us.

I still want to know the Truth.

I still want to know the real God — or Gods.

I still sense there’s More.

But I had to break down my old beliefs, take down my old structure — to make room for the new, to create space to resurrect and rebuild a more complete and real belief.

I feel like I still have a long journey ahead of me — discovering God outside of religion, independent of religion.

It’s not as simple as finding some teacher or religion to tell me what’s what. This truth, I must find and learn on my own. This truth, must be my own. This truth, must be more than just accepting and believing what others accept and believe. Anyone can prove any religion using their own scriptures. Duh. But I want to know what’s real — starting with who and what God really is — that comes from reality and direct experience, that is real, regardless if some religion’s books agree with it or not.

Maybe some religions got it right, in part or in whole.

But I’m not interested in a religion any more.

I’m interested in a real relationship.

Sincerely, namaste, with love,
David Michaels

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