David’s Journal

Spock says it’s illogical.

But what’s he know anyway? He’s just a Vulcan.

As for me, not everything seems to add up. But what do you think?

But let’s not get started on that. How about something more present, more every day…

Like, spending the best years of our lives working at a job we don’t really like to buy stuff we don’t really need or use, to impress people we don’t really care about? Why do we do this to ourselves?

Isn’t there MORE to life??

Have we been trained to not think? Educated to just do what we’re told? Be corporate slaves for the rest of our lives? There’s a saying … “you’ll spend your life building someone’s dream — either yours or someone else’s.”

History repeats itself not because it has to, but because we don’t bother to learn from it.

We know the names and dates, but not the hows or whys. What good is that? Really?

Wouldn’t it be better to know each other?

Rather than fight each other?

Wouldn’t it be better to practice communicating with and understanding each other?

Rather than learning multiplication tables?

And by the way — I’m an adult now. Exactly when and where is knowing Algebra supposed to come in handy?

Or the Periodic Table of Elements?

I actually did well in school. I was a geek. I liked science and math. I had a pretty good memory of names and dates. Because I started writing (for fun) at an early age, I also learned basic grammar and spelling too. I did well in school. Some of you will hate me for this, but I got A’s and B’s without even trying. I paid attention in class, did my homework on time, and maybe, occasionally, glanced over my notes or textbook if I needed a quick refresher before a test.

If I really tried, if I really was 110% committed, I could’ve gotten straight A’s.

But why?

To get into a better college? To get a more prestigious degree?

And then what?

Work hard at a good company, with benefits, and someday, maybe, earn my way to the top and make lots of money.

And be happy.

Right?

lol.

There’s a lie we’ve all bought into.

We need something outside us to be happy.

We need a good-paying job, or lots of money, or the perfect lover, or a family, or cool toys, or sexy cars, or to lose weight, or gain weight, or wear the right clothes, attract the right relationship, live by the beach, or, or … you name it.

Want to know what they didn’t teach me in school, but should have?

Happiness is free. And it’s available anytime, anywhere I want it.

Easy for me to say, right?

A little less easy to actually practice.

Like, this morning I woke up, tired and feeling generally un-motivated.

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.

Relationships. Meeting new people, making new friends, building connections, maintaining and strengthening existing ones…

Wondering who, when, how, and where I’ll meet that “special someone” I’ll want to spend the rest of my life with.

Am I ready? Is she ready?

Are my expectations and hopes too high?

Is the right relationship worth waiting for, and not settling for?

But that’s the least of my concerns right now.

Thanks to greedy oil companies, the housing foreclosure mess, and a fear-mongering mass media, the economy is slowing down for a little while. Those aren’t the only factors obviously, but let’s get to the point. Work is getting slower. And slower. I earn a commission of every delivery I do at my day job. The more deliveries I do, the more money I make. The less deliveries I do, the less I make. Things have been slowing down. And on Friday, my first delivery required me driving 25 miles north to go pick up, just to bring it another 25 miles back south, to deliver just a couple miles west of where I originally started.

I pay for my own gas too. Here in San Diego, the lowest I’ve seen since Friday is $4.09 per gallon, regular unleaded. I’ve seen as high as $4.75 regular, if you want to use your credit card. ($4.25 cash price.)

When will it stop?

$5 a gallon?

$6?

$20?

The good news is, the oil companies are about to price themselves out of the market. If we learn from history, we’ll see that every time a valuable resource becomes too scarce or too expensive, some new resource or technology is discovered or invented, that’s much better than what whatever we were using before.

I don’t know what will replace our dependency on oil. Maybe hydrogen power. A lot of people are looking into biofuels now. That may be the direction we end up going, but it still has its problems. It’s better than standard oil, yes, but not necessarily more abundant or significantly more cost-effective. I read one news clip that said the price of corn was going up because less was available for food, because some of the corn was being used to make ethanol, a biofuel. Since the price of corn was going up, popcorn at movie theaters would cost more, and people would likely buy less, so theaters would have to raise their admission price.

Good grief.

Is that true? Or just more media fear-mongering?

There’s got to be a better answer. Something more abundant, cleaner, and more energy-efficient than oil.

Anyway, in the meantime until that new technology or resource comes out, I’m stuck sinking more and more money into my car. For a job that’s trending to pay less and less.

It won’t be long before I’ll have to have an alternate source of income. I like this job, but it just may not be feasible much longer.

To top it all off, my roommate is in the military and will be deploying overseas in just over a month. That means I either need to find a new roommate or move out to a new place, again. I’m so tired of this. I want my own little place somewhere. A nice studio or one-bedroom maybe. Something fun, something mine.

But first, I need to figure out this job thing. Maybe I’ll find something much better and I’ll be able to afford my own place somewhere.

So I’ve started circulating my resume.

Again.

I’m also so tired of looking for a better paying job. And by that, I mean a full-time job that pays well enough to live a humble existence on. I have cheap rent. A simple, fuel-efficient car. Student loans. And a couple low-limit credit cards. That’s it.

It’s a good thing I don’t drink or smoke, because I really don’t have the disposable income to spend on that. lol.

I’m not out partying, or going out to eat or see movies in the theater… Today, with my free day off, I thought about taking a fun little drive out somewhere. You know, go exploring. Drive up some mountain somewhere nearby. Stop at the top, enjoy the fresh air and view.

No. Cancel that. I really don’t want to spend the gas.

I really don’t want another job.

But it’s what we gotta do to pay the bills, right?

Maybe there’s another way.

Some people get tired of “working for the man” and decide to start their own business. If successful, they’ll be their own boss and make much more money — but you’re still a slave to that job. You own your job now, but it’s still physical work that requires you to actually be there doing something.

I want freedom.

They say the secret to success in life is to be very clear on what you want.

I do not want to “make more money.” I’m very clear on that. I want financial freedom.

There’s more important (and fun) things to do in life beside spending 40+ hours a week at some job or small business.

Now, if you love your job or business, that’s fantastic! You’re doing what you love, and whether or not you got paid for it, you’d probably be doing it anyway.

That’s excellent.

If you have that, you’re far richer than many, many others.

Real wealth is more than just having a lot of money.

Real wealth includes freedom, the joy of doing what’s important and worthwhile to you, and personal fulfillment and satisfaction.

If you love what you do, you are far richer than most.

But me? I don’t love what I do. I like my job, most days, it’s okay work. It has some positives.

But does it make me feel alive inside? Does it inspire me, challenge me to grow, excite me, get me enthusiastically out of bed in the morning?

No.

Some days it’s more like a battle to get myself out of bed.

You know the feeling.

I want to be free.

But as one self-made millionaire friend once told me, “Most people are too busy working to make any money.”

I come home, every day, tired from the day’s work.

Tired from doing what’s necessary to survive — leaving little to no time or energy left to focus on what’s needed to thrive.

I’m like a hamster on a wheel. I keep going to survive. I don’t know how I got here or why — I just know I’m on this wheel and I can’t stop or I’ll die.

Most people don’t like to think about this. We’d rather distract ourselves with TV shows about fictional characters — characters we begin to know more about than our actual selves or real-life friends.

TV’s the illusion. We’re what’s real.

And right now, most of us are enslaved.

I want freedom.

Is anybody with me?

I said, IS ANYBODY WITH ME?!

Please, I don’t know if I can do this alone. But maybe together, we can help each other.

Maybe together we will find a way to break free.

And be happy.

But wait — is “freedom” just another external thing I think I need to feel happy?

Isn’t happiness actually an inside job?

Can’t I just “choose” to be happy? Can’t I just “choose” to feel free … on the inside?

Give myself permission to be happy and feel free — regardless of what’s going on in my outside world?

But that doesn’t feel right. I just sit there and “be happy?” What’s the point in that?

I don’t want to just be happy. I want to have reason to be happy.

Is that the trap — or is that natural?

Happiness is a choice. And freedom is a mindset. But wouldn’t it be a LOT better if there were real reasons to be happy? Wouldn’t be a LOT better if I was actually free?

Maybe I hold the keys to my own freedom. After all, I’m trapped in my own prison.

Yes, there’s bills to be paid.

But check this out — I choose to go to a job, and which job to go to. I chose what to major in at college. I chose which jobs to apply to. Every day — even right now, this very minute — I’m choosing to write a blog rather than something else.

I could be outside, at the beach. I could be at the mall. Are they open on Memorial Day?

I could be building my business.

I could be reading a book, expanding my knowledge, possibly finding new answers to old stale questions.

EVERY MOMENT I’m choosing to live and be a certain way.

Tomorrow is a direct consequence of how I spent today.

I love writing. It makes me feel good.

That’s why I do it.

What’s the point to this blog? I covered a lot of things. What’d you get out of it, if anything?

You see — I found a way to be successful, irrespective of the outcome.

I could try to write to make a sale or impress a reader or touch an audience. I could try to write to make something happen “out there” — make a difference, make money, get recognition, something.

But there’s always a chance for failure with that. I might write and no one buys. I might write and no one cares — or even reads! lol. Someone once left a comment on my blog saying that a particular entry was “too long” so she didn’t bother to read it.

Okay. So why’d you take the time to say so?

Move on, sister. Read or don’t read, I DON’T CARE.

Sure, I LOVE IT when people read my stuff. I LOVE IT when they get something out of it. Like I touch them, inspire them, or give them something to think about or a new way of looking at familiar things. That’s cool. I love it.

But that’s just bonus, icing on the cake now.

Why?

Because I found a way to be successful, regardless of what happens.

I profit from the start.

I win from the beginning.

I succeed, just by doing.

How?

I’ve already said it. I love writing. It makes me feel good.

I’m already winning. I’m already ahead.

I’ve won, because no matter what happens, if anything, after I finish writing — I’ve already gotten what I really need out of it.

Feeling good.

Just writing, just expressing myself on paper with words is a victory for me.

Because I feel better. I feel a little more alive.

I feel … happier.

I don’t do it for the audience any more. The audience is an excellent bonus. It makes it even better.

But I would write even if there was no one to read.

Because I win, I’m successful — I can be happy — by doing what I am. I feel good being me, doing who and what David is and does, — and it doesn’t matter what happens after that.

Let go of the outcome.

Be yourself.

Do what you want to do, what you really enjoy to do, whether anyone else is watching, whether anyone else will ever know you did it or not.

Try it.

And see how it makes you feel.

Regardless what’s going on around you.

You control your internal world. Make it a better world by expressing and being who you really are –

And that’s all I have to say on that, for now. :)

Love yourself enough to be yourself.

I love you, David.

And you, my friends. :)

Namaste,
David Michaels 5/26/08

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