David’s Journal

I’m doing a job I enjoy.

I just hope it will work.

I work as a courier now, picking up and delivering rush packages (usually escrow checks and real estate title documents) from one office to another throughout San Diego County.

I enjoy it.

I’m pretty free, I get fantastic views all day long, traffic is a breeze compared to what I was used to in Los Angeles… There’s a sense of adventure and exploration. But I get to see people too, say hello, put a smile on their face.

When I was hired, my new manager said the drivers were earning, on average, about $150 per day. We drive our own cars, pay for our own gas, etc. We’re on commission. We get 45% of whatever the company bills the client for the delivery. He also said that drivers do about 150 miles per day.

Well, I’ve been working for them for a week and a half now.

I get my first paycheck on Friday. It’ll only cover my first week. But I’m finding the numbers seem to be a little different than I was first told.

We’re not doing 150 miles a day. We’re doing, typically, about 200+.

Then, when I needed a “letter of hire” to show my new apartment that I had a job and how much I’d be making, he estimated that “based on other drivers in his position,” I was expected to make $1,000 to $1,400 per two-week pay period.

Wait.

That’s only $100 to $140 per day.

When I asked about it, apparently that’s “take home” pay. I was told to budget myself assuming I only made $1000 every two weeks; anything above that was just play money.

Except, because we’re doing more than 200 miles a day, I’m using more gas, which on a per-day basis isn’t a big deal, but at the end of the month, is costing me about $100 more in gas (give or take) than originally expected.

I also will need to do oil changes and other routine maintanence a little more frequently. (Those extra 50 miles a day equal an extra 1,000 miles more per month.)

Added to the rising gas prices, my new car loan, and all my other bills… If I only make $100/day, take-home, I’m either breaking even or losing money again!

*sighs*

So frustrating.

But maybe I’m worrying when I don’t have to. A lot of their drivers are slow and lazy. They sit on packages that aren’t due right away, instead of delivering them and getting new packages. After working just one week, my managers and dispatchers all had very good things to say about me. So apparently I’m doing a good job. Maybe my paycheck will be towards the upper end.

One driver, the highest paid in the company, admitted he took home (after taxes) $1600 last paycheck. That’s about $3000 to $3200 net per month. But he’s also the fastest and most experienced driver. This guy is always in a hustle, always running, doesn’t take breaks, time-is-money kind of thing. He’s also been doing this for 19 years and knows every short cut in San Diego.

So if I work hard and stay busy, maybe I’ll make closer to that.

But if we have too many slow days (like yesterday, I drove a little over 200 miles, and earned only about $100), I’m still spending gas but not earning the needed income.

I don’t want some stupid lonely office job. But I don’t know what else I’d want to do, with or without a college degree, that I would enjoy doing, that would be meaningful work at all, that would pay me what I need to live on!

Why am I here on this planet?

I can tell you one thing: I did not come here just to hold a job, pay a mortgage, raise a family like everybody else. You humans are already doing a fantastic job of that. You don’t need one more. So why am I here? Why did I come here?

What’s my purpose?

If I can’t find it, if I can’t figure it out, if I can’t fulfill it … then I want to go home.

I just haven’t found my motive, my drive, my reason for being here.

I don’t want to stay if I don’t have a reason.

Life’s too hard, too lonely, too routine, too boring, too painful, too sad, too pointless without it.

I ask people what they live for — it’s usually their wife, or their work, or for God or something like that.

I don’t have a wife. Haven’t even had a girlfriend in over a year. I’ve tried all kinds of work; all of it meaningless. The only kind of work I did enjoy and find meaningful was my business. But I’m convinced now I don’t have the time, energy, drive, self-belief, resources, vision or commitment to make it a reality. It sucks. But that’s life. And I can be much closer to God back in Heaven.

Give me something.

I don’t want to cop out, I don’t want to be a quitter.

I must’ve come here for a reason.

What is it?

I’m tired of playing, tired of fighting and struggling, without one.

The End.

Signed,
David Michaels

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